Bleak, rainy, wintery day
On this bleak, rainy day, I find myself going for a walk and I feel like I am in an old Wilkie Collins novel. I forget that I do really love the darkness of winter, the creepy grey mansion houses I pass, surrounded by harsh countryside: The threatening rush of a bursting river, the bare trees with crows sitting in them, the big mountains looming in the background, half covered in cloud. I love it all and find myself invigorated and inspired to write.
Bleak, wintery walk with creepy farmhouse
To keep the atmosphere going, as soon as I get home I put on ‘The Moonstone’ in the background while I make mulled wine and bake apple cake. Sat by an open window, feeling the cool breeze, listening to the birds intermingled with my story on audible and sipping my mulled wine, I’m able to keep the feeling that was sparked on my walk, alive.
It’s a combination of the sound of the wind, the feeling of cold air and scent of spices mixed with damp air. I love the idea of keeping memories alive, capturing a moment with a scent and I hope one day I get to create my own scents based on my experiences during each of the seasons. I find it very rewarding to embrace each season, and although winter has always been my least favourite season, surrounding myself with these wintery activities (blustery walks, the scent of nutmeg & gingerbread, log fires, reading winter fairytales and classics by Dickens and Wilkie Collins, drinking mulled wine and hot chocolate, roasting marshmallows and many more…). I find myself embracing this season and enjoying it. You really have to rush out as soon as the weather is clear to see a beautiful moon, a starry sky or to watch the land change from grey/brown into a white, winter wonderland. There is no time to waste as the days are so much shorter but then you have much more time once it’s gone dark to wind down, be creative, relax, before perhaps having an early night.
I’m looking forward to many more wintery and blustery days like this. And of course the best thing after you’ve been out in cold, rainy weather, is to come back to a warm home, a cosy blanket, the scent of spices and comforting old books.
A bleak winter view of the river that is about to burst, cloud covered mountains and gnarly trees.
Notes from the present: This was my first winter after I moved to the countryside and the Lake District and I was constantly amazed at the beauty everywhere. I remember going out regularly to see the night sky, going for moonlight walks, trying out winter crafts such as making a wreath. But I also slowly found myself sinking into depression which for me looked like going to bed early and waking up late (getting too much sleep) and having no motivation to do anything for myself or take care of myself. Those little moments of seeing a clear starry sky or a bright moon brought me some joy but I always felt guilty for feeling depressed. I would reason I have so much to be grateful for and yet I couldn’t feel gratitude. Then in the spring the following year, I started going for early morning walks and that practice connected me to my authentic self. This was the start of my rediscovering who I really am and the things I love.
I still fear depression during winter, but as you’ll have noticed from my previous blog, I’m trying to accept my whole self, including the parts that like to hide and feel safe and hidden in the dark. This will be a continuous journey, but the joys I described during December 2023 are still the things that bring me joy now. Sometimes I just need a reminder of these things. This winter I’ve enjoyed listening to cosy fantasy stories and a new winter tradition for me has been to read Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. I’ve also already enjoyed a cheeky mulled wine with mince pie and started a crochet blanket project!