Journal of a neurodivergent - part 3
I’ve come for an early morning solo walk in Dodd wood and it’s the perfect place for solitary reflections. As I’m walking along this forest path lined with spruce trees, I pick myself a blackberry (or two), because it would be rude not to, and I find myself thinking about how I’ve had a bit of a health scare recently. I noticed while I was walking how my nervous system was completely calm. I can only get my nervous system to that point by:
Being alone / seeking solitude
Being in nature
A mysterious forest path with cloud hanging over the mountain
I do find other techniques helpful such as deep breathing, but if I can even hear people close by, it won’t fully calm my nervous system. That will partly be to do with my childhood and how being around people didn’t feel safe to me and perhaps I didn’t have the option to withdraw when I needed to. But it’s also about the fact that I just don’t have a good understanding of social cues and expectations, so as soon as I’m around people I’ll start to try and analyse what might be expected of me in the situation and fully focus on the external environment. In that process I lose my connection to myself, will behave in ways that are not me, with the aim of trying to protect myself. I genuinely don’t know if this will ever change, I would like to work on behaving differently when in social settings but realistically, my body just takes over and I’m in fight or flight mode which is hard to control in the moment. I can perhaps prepare beforehand for certain situations, knowing I will likely lose myself in the moment by writing down what I’d like to say or perhaps having an essential oil in my pocket that reminds me of a woodland walk to reconnect me to myself (cedarwood and juniper are some of my favourites).
Coming back to my woodland walk, another thing I noticed is that my senses are so much more heightened and I notice a lot more when I’m alone. I noticed some intriguing plants on my walk that I thought were really beautiful. I don’t know that I would have noticed them if I was with others. The other thing I love to do on my walks is let my mind and imagination wander. When I’m in the forest I keep seeing these mysterious paths, clouds hanging over the mountain and I imagine myself a hobbit on an adventure of my own.
One of the unusual plants in noticed on my walk
This has been a good reminder for me how important it is to keep working on calming my nervous system and that this will take constant effort. The biggest calming influences for me are seeking solitude and going for walks in nature. This will be different for everyone of course. What do you find calming for your nervous system?