Resistance to change

I’ve been resisting the coming of autumn. Perhaps it’s because I know that will lead to winter and in the past that has meant the coming of depression for me. Not knowing how I’ll be this year and what the winter will be like feels scary.

I went for a hike recently to the top of Binsey (one of the local fells). There was quite a thick fog and it was cold and damp. It was a bit of a challenge to navigate my way to the right path, through boggy moorland. I did have to circle back a number of times before I found my way and by the end of the hike I was quite muddy and exhausted. It reminded me though that hiking builds resilience. When you’re in the middle of nowhere you have no choice but to find your way somehow and you have to keep going until you get back. I noticed, although I was wet and cold, the weather was actually pretty atmospheric and something to be embraced. There was a beauty in it.

A moody view from my walk to Binsey

Then when I went for my usual walk by the river today, although the sky was grey, it was a lovely fresh day full of autumn colours. I actually found myself enjoying autumn. The fresh smell of fallen leaves, damp moss, the crunch of tree branches under my feet. I also recently downloaded a cosy book on audible that I’ve been really enjoying and so I’ve found myself slowly building an appreciation for this time of year. I listen to my body clock by going to bed earlier and waking up early so that I can go for an early morning walk at the break of dawn. Perhaps I will find myself enjoying these seasons and they are not something to be feared. Perhaps they’ll help bring about acceptance in me and remind me that where I am now is exactly where I need to be.

Pretty, autumnal woodland colours, despite the grey skies